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A Corporate Coming-of-Age

24 July 2019
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In 2017, 56 million millennials were working or looking for work in the U.S., officially replacing Generation X as the largest workforce. This type of generational shift is not new, and, in fact, is impossible to avoid—time remains undefeated.

But, as opposed to race or gender, rarely does generational diversity come to mind when considering the demographics that make up a company or organization. However, with a generational shift currently underway, it is something more companies are being forced to address.

For companies seeking to remain inclusive, diverse, and competitive, these moments can present a great opportunity for reflection and organizational growth.

Telecommuting benefits are now offered by roughly 60 percent of organizations, as opposed to just 20 percent in 1996—and surveys show it is most appealing to both millennials and employees 55 and older (a blend of baby boomers and Generation X).

Rethinking talent recruitment and employee retention

Simone DiMatteo, a business operations manager and Saybrook student in the Ph.D. in Managing Organizational Systems program, is researching how generational shifts can impact talent retention within organizations for her dissertation.

“In 2015, the figure for turnover costs was $30.5 billion—today, it sits at $600 billion,” DiMatteo says, citing Work Institute’s 2018 Retention Report. The report estimates turnover costs could reach nearly $680 billion by 2020 and may be influenced by millennials becoming the most likely generation to job-hop. “For my research, it is important to understand whether generations of employees are more influenced by generational theory or whether their motivation is more driven by where they are at in their career arc, which could be correlated across generations.”

DiMatteo manages a team of five—each person from a different generation—and is focusing her research on motivational factors for employees that an organization can influence, such as compensation, career development, or job security.

“I want to know if certain factors are more important to specific generations,” she says. “You would imagine that for someone headed toward retirement, security might be more important, but it isn’t necessarily true. Security might mean something completely different to a younger generation, like millennials, who are coming out of school with more student loan debt than ever before.”

Companies can use this knowledge to alter their recruitment and employee retention strategies to place greater emphasis on what matters most to employees most.

For example, health care plans and 401(k) accounts were staples of employee benefits in the 1990s as a recruitment and retention strategy. However, while each are still popular, Roth 401(k)s have become increasingly common in place of the traditional 401(k). In another example, telecommuting benefits are now offered by roughly 60 percent of organizations, as opposed to just 20 percent in 1996—and surveys show it is most appealing to both millennials and employees 55 and older (a blend of baby boomers and Generation X).

Organizations that are able to restructure benefit packages to meet the demands of shifting generational demographics can position themselves well to attract and retain talent of any age.

The best way to approach these situations, not surprisingly, is with respect.

Generations are essentially a collective group comprised of millions of individuals who share formative experiences (such as world events and technological, economic, and social shifts) that shape the way in which they see the world. In a work setting, this can sometimes cause conflict and negatively impact an organization’s culture and production.

David Galowich, a Forbes contributor and executive coach, provides an example of this in his article, “The Business Leader’s Guide to Communication Across Generations”.

“I had a coaching situation in an organization recently where a baby boomer kept leaving voicemails for a millennial, and the millennial would only respond using text. The boomer was frustrated about the inability to have a verbal conversation, and the millennial was irritated that he had to constantly pick up voicemails for things that he felt could easily be handled with a quick text.”

The best way to approach these situations, not surprisingly, is with respect. For managers and fellow employees, it’s important to remain open-minded to the way others may be comfortable completing tasks and consider facilitating in-person conversations about the best way to find a middle ground moving forward.

It is also important to be cognizant of generational stereotypes. For example, while there may be a perception amongst baby boomers and Generation X that millennials lack a strong work ethic, there is little validity to this argument. In fact, there is research that may prove the opposite is true.

A study from ManpowerGroup reported that roughly 20 percent of millennials are holding down two jobs; another by Project: Time Off and GfK found they were more likely to identify as “work martyrs” and take less time off than other generations. And technology has enabled employees of all generations to remain connected every hour of every day, blurring the perception of what can truly be classified as “on the clock”.

To get ahead of interpersonal issues that may arise from generational differences, organizations may consider implementing mentoring programs—which can go both ways. This can bridge a divide between both younger and elder generations by encouraging them to share knowledge of how they perceive the workplace and explain different methods they have found to be most effective for their work.

Transferring knowledge

Mentorship programs that bridge generational divides can also be a powerful tool to address another challenge of this type of demographic shift in the labor force: institutional knowledge loss.

The BLS projects the number of workers over the age of 55 to more than double (from 12 to 25 percent of the labor force) by the year 2024. And, currently, nearly half of workers age 55 or older work in management positions. But eventually these workers will retire, and take with them much of their expertise.

“It’s one of the expenses that can be difficult to quantify for an organization,” DiMatteo says, “Somebody that has been in an organization for five or 10 years—even their entire career—when they walk away that can be a major loss for an organization.”

One story published in the Harvard Business Review claims an organization estimated that a retirement wave of 700 employees would amount to over 27,000 years of experience lost.

In addition to mentoring programs that can encourage the organic transfer of knowledge from one generation to the next, companies can also mitigate this risk through some type of knowledge repository. This can be developed by formally documenting processes and procedures with the goal of enhancing the onboarding process for new employees or easing the transition process upon someone’s retirement or departure from a company.

The next generation

Generation Z is just beginning to enter the labor force, and will soon begin to put their own unique spin on it. One day, they will be pushed aside by Generation Alpha. This shouldn’t be seen as a problem, but rather an opportunity that forces organizations in every generation to find better ways to incorporate and include diverse age populations, because that is who makes up the workforce. Every generation will continue to bring a unique influence to the way organizations function. But the best organizations will remain proactive and willing to adapt.

Learn more about Saybrook University

If you are interested in learning more about the community and academic programs at Saybrook University, fill out the form below to request more information. You can also apply today through our application portal.

Mindfulness Over Matter

24 July 2019
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In the final moments of 13 Reasons Why’s first season, Hannah Baker, the main protagonist of the series, steps into a bathtub, slits her wrists, and dies alone. The camera doesn’t pan away, doesn’t offer any respite from the horror that unfolds onscreen. It’s gruesome by design, and incredibly difficult to watch.

This scene played out on Netflix screens big and small for the past two years. But after a 2019 study confirmed that 13 Reasons Why led to a 28.9 percent increase in suicide rates among U.S. youth ages 10 to 17 in April 2017, Netflix finally announced that it made the decision to cut the scene entirely. Now it goes from Hannah looking in the mirror to her mother finding her body.

The released data indicates the phenomenon of suicide contagion—the process in which the suicide of one person or multiple people can contribute to a rise in suicidal behaviors among others. The concern with suicide contagion is that it suggests that suicide is a viable or realistic option to escape pain. In the case of 13 Reasons Why, it was the graphic suicide scene coupled with Hannah’s perceived lack of options that created a perfect storm: teenagers were visually shown a way out, but not a path forward.

“Adolescents are really good at making rational decisions when their full cognitive processes are fully connected,” says Dominique Avery, Ph.D., a faculty member in Saybrook’s Counseling department. “The problem is that they get hijacked by emotions so much more easily than adults. Adolescent brains are imbalanced due to differing rates of development in various parts of the brain. Adolescent brains are more sensitive to emotional cues and social pressures.  As a result, they are more likely to react from the impulsive, reward-seeking, and emotional subcortical areas (limbic system) rather than accessing the rational, decision making prefrontal cortex under times of stress. You could think that everything’s going fine with a teen but then something triggers them and they’re not able to look at long-term consequences.”

It’s not necessarily the media that’s the fiend: risk factors can include bullying, stressful or traumatic life events, anxiety disorders, feelings of disconnection, or substance abuse. The media can actually be helpful in showing adolescents that options beyond suicide do exist. And while peer groups, family systems, and schools are valuable resources, teaching teens how to regulate their emotions and conquer that impulsivity is just as important.

Mind-body practices help people cope with unmerciful treatment, a crisis, or other personal trauma, by bringing people back in relation to themselves.

Emotional regulation = mindfulness

“A big part of mindfulness is about emotional regulation,” Dr. Avery explains.

Teaching mindfulness practices—and in turn, helping students with emotional regulation—can be a key preventative tool. If the brain is retrained, and a person learns emotional regulation, then they’re more likely to be able to sit with an uncomfortable emotion, process it, and move on. Because of this, adolescents can learn to regulate when experiencing adverse periods like hyper-arousal (the fight-or-flight response, with feelings of anxiety, panic, and racing thoughts) or hypo-arousal (a freeze response, characterized by feelings of emotional numbness, paralysis, and disassociation).

You may think of traditional mindful practices as breathing exercises or other sensory-grounding experiences. In Dr. Avery’s “Advanced Child and Adolescent Counseling” course, she uses some unconventional methods—like glitter bottles, stress balls, bubble blowing, and calming scents—to help children learn some grounding techniques for when they start to experience a fight-or-flight response. This response is a survival mechanism that allows humans to respond quickly to life-threatening situations, but can now occur from not life-threatening stressors (and can in turn contribute to anxiety and depression).

“Breathing has a huge impact on the vagus nerve, which regulates our autonomic nervous system,” Dr. Avery says. “The vagus nerve controls our heart, lungs, digestive system, and even the tension in our pelvic floor—so everything related to that fight-or-flight response system. If we can learn to calm the fight-or-flight response, then that’s going to lead to better emotional regulation.”

This is not to say these practices don’t help in a crisis situation. Darlene Viggiano, Ph.D., adjunct faculty in Saybrook’s Mind-Body Medicine department, extrapolates on the long-term benefits of mindfulness during and after a traumatic experience, including larger mind-body practices.

“Mind-body practices help people cope with unmerciful treatment, a crisis, or other personal trauma, by bringing people back in relation to themselves,” Dr. Viggiano says. “The mind and body are one, but since the time of Descartes, they’ve been treated almost as opposites, which was in itself a trauma to humankind.”

One example of mind-body intervention was with the healing of Marjory Stoneman Douglas (MSD) students following the school shooting on Feb. 14, 2018, in Parkland, Florida.

Studies are clear: surviving school shootings not only negatively impacts academic performance, but can also lead to trauma. According to the National Center for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), 28 percent of people who witness an American mass shooting develop PTSD. These repeated cycles of stress, much like the fight-or-flight response mentioned above, can lead to long-term consequences for the mind.

The summer after the shooting at MSD, the Broward County Public Schools partnered with the Center for Mind-Body Medicine (CMBM) to create the Comprehensive Wellness Program. To start, they had 180 teachers and service providers across Broward County participate in the Professional Training Program in Mind-Body Medicine, teaching them “the biology and psychology of stress and trauma alongside a comprehensive set of mind-body medicine techniques.”

CMBM also piloted a four-week, mind-body medicine curriculum for all 130 MSD peer counselors, focusing on stress reduction and self-regulation. By the third week, 98 percent of the students who participated slept better, focused more effectively, and were able to cope with panic attacks. These students now will go on to help 3,200 of their peers, effectively creating a wide peer support network and starting the healing process.

“Mind-body medicine definitely has a role in crisis response in terms of being able to get people settled and get them in a space where they’re able to start processing,” Dr. Avery says. “If it’s something that’s been a part of their practice, then it’s going to be so much easier to get there. For people who don’t have really solid emotional regulation, it’s going to be much harder to move out of that initial crisis response phase.”

Trauma-informed schools help with crisis response

Even though mind-body medicine can be helpful in crisis situations, the trauma first needs to be identified. If a crisis isn’t as universal as a school-wide shooting, and is more personal to the individual student (like experiencing bullying or violence at home), spotting trauma and providing the student with resources can be tricky.

Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) is a term used to describe the abuse, neglect, and other traumatic experiences that can happen to people under the age of 18. According to the CDC-Kaiser ACE study, dealing with early adversity is related to the following negative future outcomes: physical ailments, unintended pregnancy, STDs, cancer, diabetes, alcohol and drug abuse, mental health disorders, and suicide.

For schools, trauma-informed care (TIC) is a way to combat ACEs. This type of training teaches teachers, support staff, and administrators to recognize the behavioral, emotional, and inter-relational symptoms of trauma, and how to address it. It can be as simple as shifting the language of a question, from “what’s wrong with you?” to “what happened to you?”

Dr. Avery explains the impact ACEs can have by using the example of a traumatized second grader. The child comes to school feeling irritable because of circumstances at home, and because of this, they react disproportionately to what a teacher considers to be a reasonable request. That’s where the trouble begins for teachers with a lack of trauma training.

“What we see in schools is a teacher who feels their authority is being challenged and comes down with an even harder consequence,” Dr. Avery explains. “The child, who doesn’t know how to self-regulate, starts to escalate. It turns into a vicious cycle where staff doesn’t approach students from a trauma-informed way, and kids are suspended or expelled from school because of their trauma-related behavioral issues as a result.”

Little data exists on just how many schools in America are trauma-trained. In August 2018, Denver public schools received a $1 million donation to train teachers in how to understand and respond to trauma. Washington State and Massachusetts both have systematic frameworks in place to enact training into schools to help traumatized students. The state departments of education in Illinois, Wisconsin, and Massachusetts all include resources to address trauma.

The results are beyond promising though: at Lincoln High School in Walla Walla, Washington—which is the subject of the 2015 documentary Paper Tigers—the school had 90 percent fewer suspensions, a threefold increase in college-bound students, and a fivefold increase in graduation rates after incorporating trauma-informed practices.

For kids, having trauma-informed teachers can mean the difference between being re-traumatized or being understood and cared for. It can help them see options where none previously existed. And for kids that are taught mindfulness exercises as more of a preventative measure, it can set them on a clear path forward.

Conversations don’t inevitably begin and end when the school bell tolls. Suicide will remain a reality in communities, across the country, and around the globe—and there will always be a larger conversation about it in the media, even if it retreats to the back of a news cycle. For now, mindfulness can be the starting point to developing a more widespread effort to address trauma.

Learn more about Saybrook University

If you are interested in learning more about the community and academic programs at Saybrook University, fill out the form below to request more information. You can also apply today through our application portal.

What does self care really mean?

24 July 2019
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Before self-care was synonymous with face masks and bubble baths, and the hashtag spurred more than 16.5 million Instagram posts, self-care existed primarily as a means of survival.

In the 1970s and 1980s minority and queer communities used self-care as an act of self-preservation. At a time when minority and queer communities were overlooked, underserved, and forgotten, the practice of self-care was essential for their health.

Yet self-care has proliferated since 2016, powered by a different group: white, upper-class women. After the tumultuous 2016 election, people were at a loss of what to do. Faced with never-ending vitriol during the campaign season, people didn’t know how to cope—and turned to self-care for answers. “The Critical Role of Self-Care for Handling Post-Election Stress”, “The Election Self-Care Detox”, “Soak, Steam, Spritz: It’s All Self-Care” were all published by major news outlets in just a three-month span.

As self-care has become more popular lately, it has been influenced by capitalistic culture. Instead of signaling a shift from the dominant system, it returned to it. We interviewed two Saybrook Mind-Body Medicine faculty members—Cliff Smyth, Ph.D., and Laura Witte, Ph.D.—to discuss the true meaning of self-care, the problematic nature of its commercialization, and why in the end, community care may be the future.

Q: Thanks for speaking with us today. What does self-care mean to each of you?

A: Dr. Smyth: For me, self-care starts with the capacity to notice when things are going awry and what somebody can do with it. A lot of it starts with awareness and a lot of that awareness starts with bodily experiences, because emotions show up in the body.

A: Dr. Witte: For the general population, when we talk about wellness, most people think of taking care of yourself in general such as exercise and eating health. For me, I believe in the holistic approach which is, mind, body, and spirit.

Self-care almost always involves some clear positive intentions, commitment of time, and focused attention.

Q: Before you can know what works best for yourself in terms of self-care, you need to know yourself. How can people go about finding what self-care means to them?

A: Dr. Witte: As we evolve and get clearer on what it is that we’re looking for that brings us fulfillment in life, we start to explore options and find what works for us. But some people just get so caught up in the rat race of life that they don’t focus on what’s really important to them.

If something happens, many people are looking for an immediate fix to relieve the discomfort. Perhaps it’s a job loss and they go find another one and start this new job tomorrow, but it’s not actually what they want. When we can take a look at the bigger picture and explore, it’s a great starting point for some self-evaluation. Questions to ask oneself could be “what do I want to create for my home life/family, career, emotional support, and spiritual guidance?”  If I could create my ideal life, what would it look like and how can I “give back” in a meaningful way?

A: Dr. Smyth: After some self-evaluation, people can develop criteria on what’s going to get them the most benefits. So taking some time out, like doing a manicure-pedicure may be that you’re just not on your phone, you’re not doing emotional labor, you’re taking some time for yourself, to reflect a bit about your life. And there may be some health enhancing qualities to doing something like that.

Self-care doesn’t have to be sophisticated. You can ask yourself: is it creating relaxation? Is it creating a space to reflect on one’s life without ruminating? Is it helping you sleep? Is it helping you make better diet and exercise choices? If yes, then it’s probably self-care. Self-care almost always involves some clear positive intentions, commitment of time, and focused attention.

Q: What do you think of the commercialization of self-care, of the face masks and bubble baths that are frequently a part of marketing messages?

A: Dr. Smyth: The whole thing is that the space between pampering yourself and developing a substantial meditation practice has now been occupied somewhat by the monetization of self-care practices, which makes it complicated.

A: Dr. Witte: I think things like face masks and bubble baths are the Hallmark answers. Those are things that anybody can enjoy but it just doesn’t get to the heart of the issue. Whatever the situation is for the individual, we need to get to the source of the problem to ultimately find our own joy and happiness.  This is different for everyone.  That’s why it’s such an individualized path for all of us to explore.

Q: Beyond the glamour of the current idea of “self-care”, there are also political components. For example, for some people, it’s necessary for people to practice self-care to prevent the need for medical services.  

A: Dr. Witte: Allopathic medicine doesn’t solve everyone’s problems.  It’s a piece of the puzzle.  When we partner with our holistic counterparts, we can help patients on a much deeper level.

One of the biggest barriers that people face in getting help is financial. Even with health insurance, there are still pay co-pays and deductibles. And if someone wants to get to the root of the problem and address it from a holistic standpoint, insurance usually does not cover this.  For example, if someone wants to see a naturopathic physician or an acupuncturist, this would often be an out-of-pocket expense.  But this may give the client the relief and answers they are looking for.

I think things like face masks and bubble baths are the Hallmark answers. Those are things that anybody can enjoy but it just doesn’t get to the heart of the issue.

Q: As a retort of sorts, the same communities that originally brought about self-care have reenergized the idea of community care, where communities step up to look after one another—prompted by the same problem these communities faced in the 1970s. Now that the pre-packaged, commercialized self-care is proving to be less effective for treating problems, how does the concept of community care play into the future?

A: Dr. Smyth: It’s fundamentally human to find ways to take care of each other. Research shows that the person who gives, benefits a lot, sometimes even more than the receiver. It’s political but it’s also somewhat spiritual.

I can really see this in some places and pockets in America where, without communities and without strong families, people would really be in trouble. Unfortunately, there are places where people don’t have strong families or communities and that’s where you need policy, funding, and people reconnecting to the idea of community care to build that support back up.

I think of examples: my wife and I both had surgeries a few years ago, and we didn’t have each other to help. Luckily, we had friends around who were willing to help. Every night for a month after each of us had surgery, somebody came around and dropped off a meal. We were very fortunate.
This is a social shift though, accepting that self-care alone is inadequate. It’s a fad for now, and hopefully we can move into more long-term solutions, like community care. Community care is important to talk about now and into the future.

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Being human in the 21st century

24 July 2019
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Famed psychologist Carl Rogers used a powerful analogy to describe the human longing to be whole. If potatoes are left alone in a dark cellar, they will still do what potatoes will do. They will sprout! Even in the dark, they will grow in distorted ways, toward whatever light they can find. It may result in a very mutated looking plant, but nevertheless they long for the light.

This is a great analogy to what it is that we, as humans, long for: wholeness. It is what humanistic psychology has always been about—coming into wholeness out of an experience of feeling broken. When we feel like we are only allowed or permitted to be pieces of ourselves in relationships, in workplaces, and at home, we feel claustrophobic and small, and we desire to be more of who we are, genuinely and authentically. We may never be completely whole our entire lives, but we are always moving toward that end, carried by our longing. Intimate, healthy, and loving relationships provide the light that we need to nourish emerging wholeness. When others can accept us non-judgmentally for who we are, we give ourselves permission to do the same with ourselves. We then change in ways that align with our longing.

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

–  Carl Rogers, On Becoming a Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy

This longing has been present since we awoke into self-awareness. I think of the existential psychologist Rollo May and how he emphasized that we have self-awareness, acutely aware that our time on this earth is finite. Rollo felt that only humans have this awareness, although the mourning behaviors and apparent rituals for the deceased by elephants gives me pause to wonder if we are truly the only species that knows about the apparent finality of death.

Nevertheless, one might say that human beings are distinct in their potential to channel the intense anxiety of being finite into creative potential. We suffer because we long for more time, but this suffering drives us toward greatness in the time we have. It pushes us to be our very best self.

However, it can also immobilize us. Our capacity for freedom of choice also means that we can choose to waste our time. We addictively engage in activities and pursuits that merely distract us for a time from the awareness that we have one chance to live well. Rather than face the terror that we might choose poorly, we take escape routes, numbing ourselves to the intensity of human feelings and experience through excessive engagement with substances and entertainment pursuits. Ironically, this avoidance seems to engender the outcome most feared—not living fully and well as human beings.

I also think of Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist, and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl, who contributed a somewhat more spiritual and mystical piece to this existential perspective. In Frankl’s view, we are all born with unique gifts. We must be able to search and grapple for a sense of personal meaning so that we can contribute these gifts in the unique way we are each called upon to do in only the way that we can.

Frankl emphasized that to find the true meaning of our lives, we must confront the “existential vacuum”—the sense that life is meaningless and that inside, we may be without any real substance. We can experience despair in the face of rampant materialism, consumerism, environmental devastation, violence and hate crimes, and isolation engendered by the breakdown of intimate relationships. In order to feel like we are living a worthwhile life, we feel pressured to live up to societal expectations while not even being completely certain of the exact nature of those standards, or how to navigate them when they are contradictory.

The challenge of the 21st century is that we are being completely pulled apart—to an unprecedented extent—by all the things that we feel the need to be for so many different people, in so many different circumstances. This fragmentation is counter to our longing for wholeness and authenticity. Moreover, our bodies are still wired as if we were living in atavistic times. Unfortunately that means biologically they have difficulty distinguishing between minor hassles and life threats. We are flooded with cortisol as if we are facing all types of dire threats to our survival, though they are in fact a steady stream of trivial stressors such as traffic or being late to an appointment.

By embracing an existential humanistic perspective we can begin to gain a deeper sense of how we can nourish ourselves through relationships and connection more effectively. There is an invitation here to look honestly at our insecurities, facing adverse circumstances with directness and courage, to spend more time experiencing the beauty of the natural world in order to re-establish a sense of our place in it, and to have difficult conversations with those we love rather than constantly avoiding our fear of loss, abandonment, and isolation.

Confronting the existential vacuum

This struggle is one we have encountered in every age, from the Industrial Revolution onward, maybe even before. However, as society becomes more complex and technology evolves to make our lives more convenient, we continue to be pulled apart more and more.

So where do we get to be that whole person? Where do we get to call “home” in a psycho-spiritual sense? It is no wonder that many of us seem to have a sense of spiritual homesickness. Where do we get to be utterly free and completely ourselves without judgment or pressure to be something we are not? We long for a place that we do not feel like we can only express certain parts of who we are, in certain ways, at certain times.

If we think about the evolution of our humanity in the terms of Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, many of us try to meet the esteem need—the need for respect, self-esteem, and confidence—through work.

The consequence of our obsession with work as an avenue toward esteem is that many of us have difficulty understanding who we are apart from what we do; therefore our selfhood is invested in activity. Unemployment is devastating, because it is as if our selfhood has been ripped out. This, of course, is really an invitation to confront the existential vacuum—the fear that ultimately there is nothing there and everything is meaningless. It can be an opportunity for what Maslow calls self-actualization, which empowers us to validate and value ourselves apart from what we do and from the recognition and esteem of peers. At that point, our relationships with cherished others becomes about mutually sharing the gifts of who we are with each other, not clinging through mutual neediness.

Embracing connection

Clearly, connection is very important in our longing to be whole. And while technology has empowered greater connection, it has also seemed to distort our authenticity. I think of the way we tailor ourselves for social media to come across much differently than the reality of our lives. There’s something tragic, bittersweet, and poignantly human in all of that.

If we want technology to work toward our humanity, we need to find ways of enhancing what the philosopher Martin Buber calls the “I thou” connection. In an “I thou” moment, we know each other as full human beings and have an empathic understanding of each other; we have genuine investment in who the other is.

These moments are fleeting because we cannot sustain that kind of intimacy for long. Therefore, we spend most of our time in “I it” interactions, which is where we relate to each other through our roles in life. For example, at the grocery store we may relate to others as customer and cashier; at the bank as client and bank teller; or in the classroom as student and professor. But sometimes, when those boundaries break down enough to allow for that deeper connection, even those interactions can become rich “I thou” moments of shared humanity.

There is a question here about the role that advancements in technology—like virtual reality—can play in enabling us to make this “I thou” connection from a distance, when we are not in each other’s physical presence. Can we achieve soul connection at a distance? Or does it simply construct an illusion of I-Thou, further contributing to fragmentation? Will technology be our undoing or our salvation, addressing ravages of climate change and bringing us together to solve the global issues that we face while offering humanity the opportunity for deeper connection?

While there are no clear answers, perhaps our ability to face these paradoxes with integrity is an invitation from the deepest part of our longing—our existential imperative to live fully out of our best potentials.

Continued evolution

Tragically, there are many people and groups of people who do not ever encounter any opportunity to benefit from the growth-promoting benefits of healthy relationships and connection to achieve wholeness or any approximation of self-actualization.

When large numbers of us are invisible due to homelessness or marginalization imposed by a privileged few (based on race, socioeconomic status, sexual orientation, gender identity, age, ability, or religion/spirituality); the collective fullness and richness of the experience of shared humanity in the 21st century will elude us. In a very real sense, none of us can be fully authentic and whole while others are not; none of us are truly free unless all of us can be.

This outer fragmentation will be mirrored inside of us, and vice-versa. Working on ourselves necessarily requires work in the world, within the scope of our ability, and our construction of the world we live in together springs organically from our inner being. As Carl Rogers said, “The degree to which I can create relationships, which facilitate the growth of others as separate persons, is a measure of the growth I have achieved in myself.”

Learn more about Saybrook University

If you are interested in learning more about the community and academic programs at Saybrook University, fill out the form below to request more information. You can also apply today through our application portal.

Giving Fieldwork a New Meaning

26 April 2019
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Some Saybrook students must complete clinical practicums or internships in offices and private practices to graduate. In this master’s in leadership program, they meet in the great outdoors.

In a time when everything seems to have gone digital, Saybrook is embarking on a new horizon: experiential outdoor education.

NOLS, the leader in wilderness education, and Saybrook University have partnered to provide an innovative M.A. in Leadership program that integrates online study with three wilderness expeditions and residential conferences. Classes started in fall 2018 with the first expedition taking place in October, a canoeing trip in Vernal, Utah. In March, students completed a canyoneering expedition.

“It’s an experiential degree,” says Zachary Taylor, a Saybrook student who is a part of the program. “We choose to go on these expeditions where we need to manage real risk, and in the moments where we have to make decisions that have real consequences, we learn a lot about ourselves. That’s invaluable and something that transfers back to the real world.”

The kind of coursework that Saybrook students complete in this program is certainly unconventional. The expedition components of the NOLS Saybrook M.A. in Leadership empower students to make decisions that have real-life consequences. Through this practical experience, students learn crucial communication and decision making skills in order to become resilient leaders in their future careers.

“That’s why I wanted to be in this program,” Taylor says. “We’re learning how to increase our tolerance for uncertainty and ambiguity. I’m really invested and I’m excited to see what the program becomes in the future.”

Remember

28 March 2019
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a hopeful future Saybrook student shares her inquisitive mind with the Saybrook University thought community

Enjoy the moment in this form,

but everything, when you’re reborn.

Traveled so far, ready to return,

matter no longer your concern.

You are eternity, limitless, vast,

no future, boundaries, or past.

Loving all throughout your stay,

to find this truth, will light your way.

Should doubts and fear arise in you,

invite the dreams and walk into…

the all and nothing, we are in each…

other, and everything within our reach.

Artist’s statement: This poem is a spiritual and a beautiful reminder that we all are connected, limitless, and immortal. I hope that this poem can make people realize that we have the ability to be one with each other and to be spiritual in the moment to moment reality as well as in our dreams. 

I Saw My Father in a Dream

22 March 2019
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By Mary Beth Haines, Ph.D.

Faculty, College of Integrative Medicine & Health Sciences
Saybrook University

I saw my father in a dream

And he said to me “Someday,
when you have been teaching a while,
come back to me, and I will teach you
about coffee.”  And we will sit
down there at a table in the afternoon
sun, with our coffee cups,
where we will join in the real
business of teaching:
the conversation of equals.

Artist’s statement: I wrote the poem when I was in grad school. My father, who was a college professor, had been dead for almost 16 years. I had this very vivid dream one afternoon during a relatively short nap in which the events of the poem took place. I had no idea at the time that I would become a college instructor myself. My dad had several friends who were also teachers, at both the college and high school levels, and they would occasionally gather and have long conversations about teaching over coffee.

What I hope the reader gains from this is that it is the desire of every college or university instructor to get to a place with students where they are interacting as equals, equals in understanding, equals in contribution, equals in value. There is an inherent power imbalance between instructors and students, and those of us who teach long for that time when we can connect on that level playing field, just as we as students, which I was at the time, long for that time, too.

Just as instructors long to interact with their students as equals, parents also look forward to working together with their adult children as adults, as equals, perhaps with different ideas, but with similar caring and passion. This is something else we encourage as a Saybrook value. This connection and caring can go on even after losing a parent.

Healing the whole person

21 December 2018
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selene Kumin Vega, Ph.D., was a baby when doctors told her mother she would have to wear a brace the length of her entire leg. A dance teacher, her mother was not thrilled with the thought of putting her daughter in a brace to fix her pigeon toed feet. Instead, she engaged her young daughter with an assortment of physical activities in an effort to fix the problem.

“She had me doing various movement exercises,” says Dr. Vega, Saybrook University faculty in the Department of Mind-Body Medicine. “Because she was a dance teacher, she had me doing pliés in the playpen as soon as I could stand at all to adjust and shift the problem, and it worked. I am no longer pigeon toed. My legs work just fine and I never had that brace.”

Years later in adulthood, Dr. Vega suffered a back injury. Though her life was riddled with pain, she refused to become dependent on anti-inflammatory medications and searched for non-traditional methods. Through chiropractic and physical therapy, which was just starting to become more common at the time, she was able to manage the chronic pain from her injury.

These movement exercises, chiropractic care, and physical therapy are all examples of integrative medicine at work. While these methods are seen frequently today, they were previously on the fringes of medicine and were considered to be “alternative” practices.

“The National Institutes of Health funded research in the early 90s to examine how often people in the United States used what was then called alternative medicine but is now called complementary and integrative medicine,” says Luann Fortune, Ph.D., Saybrook University faculty in the College of Integrative Medicine and Health Sciences. “What their survey of thousands of people discovered was that one-third of Americans were using these alternative products, and most of them were only just starting to tell their physicians.”

One-third of Americans were using these alternative products, and most of them were only just starting to tell their physicians.

Dr. Fortune has experienced firsthand the wonders of integrative medicine. Her daughter was born with dermatitis and her skin was constantly inflamed and red. Dr. Fortune, a licensed massage therapist, was already well-versed in integrative medicine, so she sought answers outside of the traditional medical field.

“I found an acupuncturist who worked with pediatrics when my daughter was two and a half,” she says. “Within the first treatment, the rash that had covered her from head to toe was gone. At that point she had already been allergy tested and she was the candidate for a really fatal level of anaphylaxis. I kept taking her to the acupuncturist and by age five, her allergies had cleared all the conventional tests.”

But what exactly does integrative medicine mean, and how does it work?

What integrative medicine is and isn’t

Integrative medicine covers a wide range of practices and methods. Among the many types of integrative medicine, the three most common and well-known forms are chiropractic, massage therapy, and acupuncture. There are also the traditional medicines such as Ayurveda, which has given rise to yoga. Ayurveda, which is a “science of life”, is a mind-body health system developed thousands of years ago in India. Its two principles are that the mind and the body are inextricably connected, and nothing has more power to heal the body than the mind.

“Integrative medicine is, by definition, a delivery model and approach to providing health care services, advice, or consultation that takes conventional approaches and blends in those that come from complementary places, sources, and philosophies,” Dr. Fortune says.

In terms of massage therapy, a practice Dr. Fortune has 20 years of experience in, massage is integrative in that it seeks to ease pain and discomfort through muscle manipulation. A knowledge of anatomy and physiology is needed in order to be aware of which muscles to work on, but massage therapy goes deeper than just the physical level. Dr. Fortune says factors like family life and exercise habits can have an impact on one’s health, and more than just the pain the client is feeling must be considered in order to produce the most effective results.

“Conventional medicine is very reductionist,” Dr. Fortune says. “It’s based on the idea of isolating the variable. Integrative medicine, on the other hand, is not a system that isolates. Practitioners of integrative medicine look at your family life, your lifestyle…they look at everything that could have an effect on your health, not just the part of you that’s hurt or sick.”

Contrary to some perceptions, Dr. Vega supports that integrative medicine is deeply rooted in science.

“People are looking for research done by major pharmaceutical companies,” she says, “and when they can’t find that research, they discredit the validity of that method. But there is, in fact, a lot of research that shows us that integrative practices do work. These practices look at the whole person and develop their methods based on the whole person, it’s not just a random process.”

As for what integrative medicine isn’t, Dr. Vega stresses that, most importantly, it isn’t a substitute for conventional medicine.

“The name of this field of medicine has been changed,” she says. “It used to be called complementary and alternative medicine, but it is now complementary and integrative medicine. This is because, with time, there has been more and more of an understanding that the best approach includes all of what we know, which includes Western medicine as well as these other approaches. It’s not like you use one instead of the other. We must use all of what’s available.”

It’s not like you use one instead of the other. We must use all of what’s available.

When she injured her back, Dr. Vega’s primary care physician was struggling to come up with a care plan that could effectively help her. When he heard that she had been experiencing positive results with chiropractic, he asked if he could speak with Dr. Vega’s chiropractor to find out what they were doing that worked in alleviating her pain. Dr. Vega says she initially laughed at this idea, but soon came to realize that it made sense. By communicating with each other and working as a team, her primary care physician and chiropractor could create a care plan that would produce the best results.

So while integrative medicine does use alternative methods, they are not used in place of conventional methods but rather in conjunction with them, which is the difference that Dr. Fortune and Dr. Vega say is crucial to understand.

Uses of integrative medicine

Integrative medicine has been found to be particularly effective in alleviating the symptoms of chronic conditions and pain, particularly when helping with multiple sclerosis, diabetes, thyroid disease, obesity, and more.

But why is integrative medicine so effective in treating chronic conditions? According to Dr. Fortune and Dr. Vega, it’s because of the complex nature of chronic conditions. They say that conventional medicine spot treats pain and illness whereas integrative medicine looks at the bigger picture. According to Dr. Fortune, chronic conditions have to do with one’s lifestyle rather than a single episode of pain or illness.

An example of this can be found in chiropractic, where practitioners use spinal manipulation to improve health. However, many chiropractors also talk about lifestyle with their clients, and sometimes even nutrition. Even though the focus of their work is on the spine, they also take into consideration other factors that may cause pain or discomfort to their clients. Both Dr. Fortune and Dr. Vega cite the individuality of integrative medicine, including chiropractic, as a key as to why integrative medicine is so effective in the treatment of chronic conditions.

“It’s very individually oriented,” Dr. Vega says. “No one is going to try to impose some universal plan on any given person. Practitioners are going to be looking at you and your personal history, your present, and your needs for the future to develop a very individualized plan.”

An integrated future

With tens of billions of dollars spent on integrative medicine each year, and an increasing number of insurance companies covering more practices, integrative medicine is permeating the medical landscape at a rapid pace. Dr. Fortune and Dr. Vega are hopeful that one day, integrative medicine and conventional medicine will exist in an environment where they are accepted as complements of one another, not as substitutes nor pitted against each other.

They are also hopeful that the new medical environment will see patients who are ready and willing to take their health into their own hands and explore all the available options that can better their well-being, both mental and physical.

“What I hope is that we are moving toward an empowerment model,” Dr. Fortune says, “Toward a place where people take individual responsibility for their health and wellness, because that’s going to translate to people taking responsibility for their planet, for their world, for their government systems, for the ways that they interact with each other, and for the economics of the way that we live. Then maybe we can start to think more globally about everything and appreciate what we do have here which is amazing and beautiful and full of potential.”

If you are interested in learning about graduate-level programs available at Saybrook University, fill out the form below to request more information.

Profit vs. Progress

20 December 2018
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In August of 2018, Tesla co-founder and CEO Elon Musk made a shocking announcement. After years of struggling to meet production goals, he was considering taking Tesla, a publicly traded, multibillion-dollar company off of the stock market.

While this announcement made headlines for a variety of reasons, few stories chose to examine one of the key reasons Musk fired off the tweet in the first place: his frustration over a clash of priorities: profits vs. progress. Investors wanted to see a return on their investment; Musk wanted to revolutionize the world by creating an entire sustainable, green energy ecosystem.

This one example is a microcosm of what may become one of the most important struggles for entrepreneurs, innovators, executives, and dreamers in the 21st century and beyond: as companies grow, they often raise capital to fund big ambitions from investors who want to see a return, but these same investors may not be patient enough to stick around for the company’s long-term vision for transformational progress.

“Company concerns about whether to be more responsive to consumers and the public good or meet shareholders’ expectations is an age-old problem in the marketplace. And many organizations continue to wrestle with this dilemma today,” says Tom Hayashi, Ph.D., Saybrook University’s program director for the Department of Leadership & Management. “Humanistic scholar-practitioners in leadership, management, and organization studies research and promote finding the appropriate business model that can drive innovation not just for the sake of driving profit, but also to drive innovation that is in line with the company’s vision and ethical values . . . in other words profit and progress”

Exploring Corporate Social Responsibility

Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) as a leadership framework recognizes and commits to integrating business models so that the organizational mission, vision, priorities, and strategies maximize positive impact on society and the environment.

The concept of Corporate Social Responsibility centers around the notion that companies should be held accountable for the social and environmental concerns of the public at large; even prioritizing these concerns ahead a company’s shareholders and investors. Therefore, according to Dr. Hayashi, while it is never easy for organizational members, “doing good” under the right leadership and organization design is absolutely possible, and worthy of all stakeholders to rise to the challenge.

While this may appear to neglect those willing to put money into the company—who may see diminished returns in the short-term—in favor of people who have no connection to an organization, CSR can ultimately enhance a company’s value, and shareholder profits, in the long-term. This is because it allows a company to connect with consumers at a level deeper than any product or service they may offer by exemplifying a shared set of morals, values, and world perspective.

“There are economists who look at social behavior, consumer behavior in particular, and believe consumers are not just making choices based on the monetary cost to them,” Dr. Hayashi says. “There’s also becoming this motivation for consumers to make purchasing decisions based on what I call the Dual Bottom Line. This is to say see that what is good for the environment or our common welfare is ultimately also good for themselves as individuals.”

One popular example of leveraging this type of consumer behavior can be seen with TOMS Shoes, a company dedicated to providing a child in need with a pair of shoes for every pair that is purchased from them by anyone, anywhere. Since 2006, it has donated more than 60 million pairs of shoes to children in more than 70 countries across the world, according to their website. Furthermore, the company has expanded beyond providing shoes and now also strives to enhance water quality, support safe birth services, and assist those with impaired vision or who have completely lost their eyesight.

While TOMS Shoes is doing beneficial work, the company is far from a mega-corporation, one capable of truly innovating the way our world lives on a day-to-day basis. But the model reflects a potential generational shift in how consumers will prioritize the companies they engage with moving forward. One of the most urgent issues consumers may identify with is climate change.

“There has been a longstanding environmental movement in the United States,” Joel Federman, Ph.D., chair of Saybrook’s Department of Transformative Social Change, says. “Currently, the emphasis of the movement is on addressing climate change in general, climate justice issues, and a specific focus on the development of oil pipelines, such as the Dakota Access Pipeline, that both do environmental damage and infringe on Native American rights. This modern-day movement is fueled by access to social media that has enabled tremendous support for these issues and for recognition of the science showing the significant impact of global warming and climate change.”

Dr. Federman adds that large-scale issues such as these will also require activism and policy development to push society in a more sustainable direction. At the end of the day, companies interested in making money would benefit from aligning themselves with increasingly socially conscious consumer demands.  It will be important for organizations to be ready and willing to adjust their way of doing business or be left behind.

“The younger generation is more aware, accepting, and alarmed by global warming,” says Dr. Hayashi, adding that this generational shift in thinking includes both sides of the political spectrum. “This is important for companies to understand and to highlight, even reconsidering their marketing approaches and their product development approaches to address the way younger consumers are making their decisions. It is going to be a big issue that is going to affect companies across the board and they will have to have a response.”

Rethinking Business Practices in the 21st Century

When examining a singular issue, such as climate change, through the lens of CSR, what options can companies consider in an effort to align their bottom line with the public good?

According to the most recent data available from the Environmental Protection Agency, 14 percent of all global greenhouse gas emissions emanate from transportation and “almost all of the world’s transportation energy comes from petroleum-based fuels, largely gasoline and diesel.” In 2018, there were more than 80 million automobiles sold worldwide. Therefore, we will consider options specific to the automotive industry and energy sector.

In “The Truth About CSR,” published in the 2015 issue of the Harvard Business Review (HBR), three “theaters of practice” were identified for companies seeking to engage in CSR.

1. Focusing on philanthropy

A company focused on this theater could set aside a portion of their profits with the intent of donating money to nonprofit organizations, like Ceres, that actively work to address climate change. This allows them to maintain profitability while also aligning themselves with eco-friendly organizations. Both ExxonMobil and Chevron made Fortune Magazine’s top 20 list of philanthropic companies in 2016. They have also invested vast amounts of money into research and development in an effort to begin easing reliance on petroleum-based fuels, but this fits better into our next category.

2. Improving operational effectiveness

This theater requires a company to streamline current business practices through sustainability initiatives or investments.

For example, Ford Motor Company has developed an Ecoboost engine in an effort to reduce emissions, invested $11 billion with the goal of offering 40 new electric vehicle models by 2022, and required all American dealerships to now use wind sail and solar systems as their primary energy source.

One step further than philanthropy, this theater may connect more with consumers because a company is demonstrating a willingness to put their own money to work for a goal that impacts society at large for the better. At the same time, it demonstrates to investors that the company is making sound investments that have the potential to return profits to shareholders down the road.

3. Transforming the business model

This theater is the most intriguing, the most impactful, and the most difficult to achieve for companies seeking both profit and progress. As stated in HBR:

Programs in this theater create new forms of business specifically to address social or environmental challenges. Improved business performance—a requirement of initiatives in this theater—is predicated on achieving social or environmental results.

Tesla fits this model. The company is attempting to transform both the auto industry and energy sector simultaneously. While some people may only connect the company to the first high-performance electric sports car to enter the market, the Tesla Roadster, the company has also forced the public to reimagine what car dealerships, service centers, and gas stations look like. While the bold concepts have drawn billions of dollars in investment, Tesla has still yet to make a profit for investors more than eight years after its Initial Public Offering (IPO).

Tomorrow’s Businesses Will Need Skillful Leaders

Each of the companies discussed thus far—from TOMS to Tesla—have decision-makers at the top with the power to drive their company and humanity forward, if they so choose.

So it is important to note the importance of skillful leadership, whether at a company seeking incremental change or one seeking revolutionary progress. In the case of Tesla, some may even point to the CEO as a large part of the company’s struggle to make a profit thus far. (Musk stepped down as Chairman following his Tweet and an ensuing lawsuit by the S.E.C.).

Dr. Hayashi believes that graduate-level leadership programs, like those offered through Saybrook University, can help prepare tomorrow’s leaders for the challenges they will encounter within various organizations.

“One of the values we bring to our students is humanistic scholarship and practices,” Dr. Hayashi says. “We have a number of faculty working in various industries and as consultants and advisors. So they definitely have their ear to the ground and are part of the global trends in a variety of sectors including healthcare, technology, education, and entrepreneurialism.”

The online M.A. and Ph.D. programs provide students a place to have reflective, thoughtful conversations about issues of the present and in the future that organizations will need to be aware of and be prepared to respond to, like environmental sustainability, the evolution of technology, and mass migration. By exploring issues like these in an academic setting and with an engaged community that promotes quality conversation, Dr. Hayashi hopes to spark creative solutions that leaders currently stuck in the day-to-day grind of their business operations simply do not have the time to ponder.

He also hopes to teach students that the questions an organization faces are never as simple as “profits or progress?”

“We firmly believe that there can be innovation, and there can be profit, and there can also be people who, as employees, feel they are engaged in a mission and don’t feel as if they are just another employee of a company,” Dr. Hayashi says. “To that extent, we’re interested in helping the next generation of leaders and managers of organizations begin engaging in creative solutions that can set the bar high and do well by doing good.”

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If you are interested in learning more about Leadership & Management Programs available at Saybrook University, fill out the form below to request more information.

Adopting an Identity

20 December 2018
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felt like a Martian who had landed on a foreign planet—just wrong all the time—like I didn’t fit in. It seemed as though there was nothing I could do about it.”

Mark Hagland, 58, remarked that is how he felt growing up as a transracial adoptee. Hagland, adopted from South Korea in 1961, was raised by white parents in Milwaukee where he experienced little diversity and knew few others who shared his experience of being adopted.

“I grew up feeling totally marginalized and alienated because of my race,” he says. “Beyond that, I had complete identity issues because I didn’t know many people who were also adopted, so it was difficult to work through those feelings with others who understood.”

These feelings are not uncommon amongst adopted individuals. Mia Zanzucchi, 22, was adopted from China at nine months of age and grew up in Wilmore, Kentucky.

“It’s a huge internal struggle,” she says. “Because I grew up in Kentucky, I was able to slightly pass as white, at least culturally, but that didn’t feel quite right. It’s like lying to yourself.”

Zanzucchi recalls avoiding the topic of her adoption in elementary school in an effort to fit in amongst her peers. But despite skirting around the issue, bumps in the road still arose.

“Family tree assignments are really common at that age,” she says. “But they are so difficult for adoptees because a lot of times, we don’t have much information about our birth families, and sometimes we don’t have any information at all. Imagine what it’s like to be a young child who is unable to complete an assignment about something as simple as your family’s history, while it’s very easy for the rest of your classmates. It’s heartbreaking.”

Developing a healthy sense of self-identity and connection to the larger community is a challenging process for adoptees. But there are ways to make the experience one filled with meaning, acceptance, and a sense of normalcy.

Understanding the nuances of adoption

One critical component to an adoptee’s identity formation process is whether or not their adoption was closed or open—meaning, whether or not there was an exchange of identifying information between the biological and adoptive families at the point of adoption. In closed adoptions, there is a clean break and the adoptee will not have any contact with their birth parents growing up. In open adoptions, the families exchange contact information and work out the frequency and degree of contact they wish to maintain with one another.

For decades, open adoptions were most common. Then, in the 1940s and 1950s, closed adoptions rose significantly in popularity because many believed that contact with the biological family was detrimental to the adoptee and the bonding process. In the early 1970s, the open adoption came back into the spotlight after adoptees spoke out against their inability to have a relationship with their biological families, and searches for those birth families increased. But Saybrook University faculty member Kent Becker, Ed.D., says it truly is up to each individual family to decide which move is right for them.

“A fully open adoption isn’t right for everybody,” he says. Dr. Becker teaches in the Department of Counseling Psychology at Saybrook, and is also a licensed professional counselor and licensed marriage and family therapist who has worked closely with families impacted by adoption. “For some children, having access to their personal history can help with identity development because there are fewer missing pieces for them. For others, they don’t want to have that information because it could spark feelings of loss, anger, or confusion. There’s no ‘one size fits all’ approach for adoption.”

For some children, having access to their personal history can help with identity development because there are fewer missing pieces for them. For others, they don’t want to have that information because it could spark feelings of loss, anger, or confusion. There’s no ‘one size fits all’ approach for adoption.

Dr. Becker knows this from personal experience, as he is also an adoptive father. He and his wife openly adopted their daughter while he was completing his doctoral studies. They ensured that they maintained ongoing contact with their daughter’s birth family while she was growing up, but when she turned 18, they let her take that relationship into her own hands and decide whether or not she wanted to continue that contact, a decision Dr. Becker says her birth family has been very respectful of.

The incorporation of his daughter into their family is what inspired his dissertation, which focused on the effect of contact between biological and adoptive families on the marital relationship of the adoptive parents, as well as the effect that contact has on the feelings of grief and loss for the birth parents.

But Dr. Becker struggled to work through the complexities of adoption from the perspective of a mental health professional.

“I was relatively clueless as a professional before I was living and breathing adoption,” he says. “Even today, mental health professionals aren’t very well educated on the subject. When I’m talking to a counselor, I can tell within five minutes the level of experience they have with adoption based on the language they use, which oftentimes is very archaic. It becomes very evident that they haven’t had much exposure to it.”

How can we counsel adoptees and their families?

So what is important for mental health professionals to know when counseling adoptees and their families? First, Dr. Becker says that mental health professionals must be cognizant of the individuality of every adoption case.

“It’s so important for a counselor to really understand the adoption story,” he says. “You can’t assume that it’s a universal experience or situation. In the past, some truly poor assumptions were made about adoptees, such as that they all must have some sort of attachment disorder. While this may be true for some, it is not the case for everybody. So first, a counselor needs to really hear their story.”

Next, Dr. Becker says that grief and loss are inherent in all adoptions.

“For adoptees, there is grief and loss related to birth families,” he says. “On the flip side, if families come to adoption because of infertility, which is often the case, these emotions can also be present and are related to that inability to conceive. With birth parents, that grief and loss comes forward with the relinquishing of a child, which is a very painful process.”

Finally, Dr. Becker stresses the importance of using adoption-positive language when working with adoptees and their families.

“One of the biggest faux pas when talking about adoption is the use of pathologizing language,” he says. “We often hear people talk about giving away a child, but you don’t just give away a child—you give away objects. It’s crucial that counselors, and everyone in general, gets the terminology and phrasing correct so that adoption can be normalized and framed positively.”

Language has power for adoptees

One word can make all the difference in making an adoptee’s experience normalized, or in making it an othering experience. So what are the helpful and hurtful things to say to those impacted by adoption?

Of the many forms of pathologizing language that can arise when talking about adoption, Zanzucchi says that what frustrates her most is the use of the phrase “real parents.”

“It can be very upsetting for adoptees to be asked about their ‘real families,’” she says. “For us, our adoptive parents are our real parents. They raise us, they clothe us, they feed us, they take care of us just like any other ‘real’ family would. Everyone must realize that adoptive families are real families.”

They raise us, they clothe us, they feed us, they take care of us just like any other ‘real’ family would. Everyone must realize that adoptive families are real families

Dr. Becker says that the proper way to address the issue of the “real family” is to utilize the phrasing “biological parents” and “adoptive parents,” which acknowledges the differentiation between the two without diminishing one family or the other.

For Hagland, the narrative burden is an exhausting conversation that he finds he often has with people who are relatively unfamiliar with adoption.

“The narrative burden is the demand imposed on us to explain who we are and our identity,” he says. “People ask us where we are ‘really’ from. They hold expectations that I know everything about that culture, but I just don’t. They hear my name and become confused that it doesn’t match my face, and suddenly they are confused by me. I shouldn’t have to fit a certain mold but that’s what people expect of me and of other adoptees.”

To combat this, Hagland says, the conversation should not shy away from talking about the adoption head-on. Instead of asking where an adoptee is “really” from, Hagland says it is perfectly acceptable to ask questions about the adoption story and experience to better understand that person’s identity and how it may differ from one’s assumptions.

Dr. Becker agrees, saying that by avoiding the subject, adoption continues to be an alienating experience rather than one where the adoptee feels validated and accepted. In having open and honest conversations, others can learn more about adoption while also allowing the adoptee to talk through their story and how they identify.

Keeping the lines of communication open ensures a healthy and positive dialogue and a relationship between those who are impacted by adoption and those who are not. But Hagland and Zanzucchi stress that while adoption is a huge component of who they are, it does not define them. They agree that in having conversations with their friends and families about their family dynamics, they were able to come to a place of acceptance and peace, and even feel like any other family.

“I couldn’t be more thankful for how open my mom was from the very beginning in talking with me about our family dynamic,” Zanzucchi says. “I remember having conversations with her while I was growing up that involved various states of crying and anger and trying to understand. But she was always more than willing to talk about where I come from and she listened to me and what I was feeling, and we worked through those feelings together.

“Because of her openness, there are days when I don’t even think about being adopted. It feels so normal and natural. That has made all the difference in discovering who I am.”

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If you are interested in learning about graduate-level deprograms available at Saybrook University, fill out the form below to request more information.